When young children are asked to draw a family, it often looks like this: Father, mother, child. But the reality for couples and singles has changed a lot in recent years. Today, same-sex partners with children are no longer a rarity and are generally accepted by society. But how do you get there? Find out everything you need to know about sperm donation and how you can make your dream of having a baby come true - far from the traditional father-mother-child model.

For lesbian couples who don't want to adopt, sperm donation is the way to have a child together. In Germany and Switzerland, this procedure is generally only available to heterosexual couples in a proven stable relationship or marriage. Lesbian women are left out in the cold and must seek help through a privately organised sperm donation from an acquaintance or from a sperm bank abroad.

However, in some other EU countries, such as Austria and now also in Switzerland, and in non-EU countries, the legal situation is more open and better regulated, making it easier to have a child after fertilisation using donor sperm.

I would like to explain both options in more detail.

Sperm donation from a sperm bank

In Germany, artificial insemination with sperm donation is rarely used in lesbian couples. The argument often put forward is the best interests of the child, which are not considered to be guaranteed due to the lack of a relationship with the father. However, you should not be discouraged, as lesbian couples are treated in other European countries, such as Austria and Switzerland.

Sperm donor selection

Lesbian couples can often select a suitable donor from sperm banks based on height, weight, blood group, hair and eye colour, and education level.

A distinction is made between open and anonymous donation: in the case of open donation, the child can contact the donor, depending on the country,

• from the age of 14 in Austria
• from the age of 16 in Germany
• from the age of 18 in Switzerland

but not in the case of anonymous donation.

In clinics where only anonymous donations are accepted, a panel of doctors will select the donor based on a questionnaire you complete.

Advantage of a sperm bank

If you use a sperm bank, you can be sure that the sperm used is of very high quality. This also increases the chances of success.

Sperm donation from a known donor

As an alternative to donating sperm from a sperm bank, it is also possible to donate sperm from a person you know. The donor must undergo a detailed medical examination - similar to the procedure at a sperm bank - to check for any diseases or abnormalities (including family history). This is to rule out any possible diseases in the child.

You can easily check the lifestyle of the donor, which is definitely an advantage. If you want your child to have a male carer, the biological father can also be involved.

Of course, your individual situation will determine whether a known donor is really a good idea. It is not possible to make a general recommendation for or against it. It is up to you and your partner to decide what is best for your future family.

Mother, mother and child

Although marriage for all has been in force in Germany since 2017, in Austria since 2019 and in Switzerland since 2021, it is not nearly as easy for married lesbian couples as it is for heterosexual couples to fulfil their dream of family happiness with a child. In theory, they have the same opportunity as everyone else to have one or even both partners impregnated with donor sperm. However, because the legal situation is not completely clear, many doctors and fertility clinics are taking the precaution of not accepting lesbian women as patients - a serious setback in terms of equal rights. Again, the legal situation in other EU countries and abroad is already more advanced, making it possible for lesbian and married couples to conceive with donor sperm.

No one has to give up having a baby

Fortunately, today everyone has the right and the opportunity to have a child. If it is not possible in your own country, you can have a sperm donation in a nearby foreign country and make your dream of having your own child come true.