There are few families where daughters and sons do not want to marry and have children. In the minds of many parents, the family image of mother, father and children is still firmly anchored. But the old family image is not necessarily the ideal for their offspring. People often marry later - or not at all. The desire to have children is often put aside in favour of personal freedom or career aspirations.

It is true that children of parents who have been married for many years often take on their family image. But in today's world, lifelong relationships are no longer likely. Young men often do not want to bring up children. They prefer casual love relationships to starting a family. Many young men choose to remain childless. At least in their younger years, they no longer want to accept such restrictive obligations and commitments.

Single women can become mothers today

Women of childbearing age are increasingly having to adapt to these changing conditions. However, their family environment may have problems with the new way of life and the new self-image of women.

In the minds of older people, single mothers are still stigmatised. The parents of such women see both economic and social disadvantages in this situation. In the case of single mothers, the responsibility for raising the child lies in one hand. This is often seen as a disadvantage by the parents of these women. However, it is questionable whether this is always the case. The opportunities for a working woman to bring up a child today are much better than in the past. It should also be noted: In the past, godparents, aunts and uncles also took on the task of bringing up children by means of social control and loving encouragement - but usually by means of covert influence rather than in an official capacity.

When occasional support for working mothers becomes a permanent obligation, problems are inevitable. Even today, a single mother has to put her own career ambitions on the back burner. Nevertheless, motherhood is likely to put more strain on the family - at the latest when the woman wants to return to work after parental leave. The hoped-for involvement of the family in caring for the child from this point on is therefore not always met with sympathy.

Singles who want children should have lots of conversations

Single parents who want children often want to enjoy their newfound freedom. Despite all their affection, they do not want to have to help raise their grandchildren for years on end. Such fears and anxieties should be taken into account by a single woman who wants to have children. From their point of view, they can wait for love. But the biological clock determines the fulfilment of the desire for children.

Just because there is no partner who wants to have children, a single woman does not have to give up pregnancy. She can achieve this through in vitro fertilisation (IVF) or intrauterine insemination (IUI). But there are consequences to this decision. It should be discussed with family and friends at an early stage. Fulfilling the desire to have a child can mean additional stress for the family. A family has to be prepared for this - and not just reluctantly.

Without the support of others, it can be difficult

In many cases, support from family and close friends is possible - but not always. If a single woman decides to have a child, even with the assurance of family support, the child's care must be guaranteed at all times. Even close friends or flatmates cannot always be available to look after a child for a few hours at a time. This voluntary service must be arranged. Without first securing the cooperation of such people in many discussions, the only alternatives are day-care centres or childminders.

It is true that legislation has improved the situation for single people who want to have a child. However, the fact remains that grandparents, aunts or friends will still need to be involved from time to time. If family and friends support a single person's decision to have a child, that is wonderful. But no one should present them with a fait accompli if they have already had IVF. IVF is not always immediately successful. But it is a decision that can have far-reaching consequences.

What about her current partner?

If an unmarried woman never wants to regret having a child through IVF or IUI, she should have created all the conditions for the child to grow up without a father. In some cases, unmarried women have a current relationship in addition to an unfulfilled desire to have children. This partner, however, declares that he or she does not want to have children. It is hard to imagine a woman fulfilling this wish by simply going through IVF. That would probably mean getting rid of her partner.

The desire to have a child and the decision to have IVF should be discussed with the current partner over a longer period of time. However, the discussions should not be based on the hope that the partner will be convinced of the father's role and grow into it. This is rather unlikely. Rather, it should be made clear to the partner that he or she will have no maintenance obligations in the event of IVF or IUI because he or she will not be the biological father. This assurance should be put in writing with the help of a competent lawyer. Whether it is always a good idea to give up child support or to try to induce a pregnancy is another matter.

What about child support?

It is easier to become pregnant through artificial insemination if no current partner is involved. Then there is no risk of legal disputes regarding any maintenance obligations. The crux of the matter is what the courts think. The fact is that for unmarried couples there is no legally binding paternity, even after successful IVF. This does not mean, however, that the partner of the mother-to-be is exempt from child support, just like the natural father.

If the woman's partner has consented to help her have a child by means of artificial insemination, the courts consider him to be jointly responsible. The courts do not care how the child was conceived. It is to be expected that the changed reality of people's lives will set different priorities for legal positions in the future. But where family, friends and current romantic partners are involved in the decision to conceive by IVF or IUI, such issues should be raised. After all, there are a number of uncertainties and risks when such decisions are made without considering the interests of others.

What about lesbian singles?

More and more lesbian couples are fulfilling their desire to have children through artificial insemination. Here, too, there is a need for discussion. After all, families do not always agree with the lifestyle of their own children. An artificially created pregnancy can lead to real conflicts and reservations. In many cases, the parents of such couples delude themselves that their children will eventually "come to their senses". Instead, facts are created that have far-reaching consequences.

It is a fact that the current partner of a lesbian mother is not obliged to adopt an IVF child. This is true even in the case of a registered partnership or marriage. If the two women have not entered into a legal relationship, the partner could only adopt the child if the real mother were to give up motherhood to her. This is not legally possible. One child cannot have two mothers. These issues need to be discussed and clarified before a pregnancy so that there are no misunderstandings.

If a lesbian woman with a partner has a child through sperm donation, she must expect that her partner will leave her at some point. The mother would then be alone. She would be a single mother with no right to maintenance from the former co-mother. She would only be able to claim maintenance from the co-mother for the child they are looking after together. The decision to have a child often has legal consequences. These need to be communicated and clarified. This is why it makes sense to have a detailed consultation before the artificial insemination.