Even as a single woman, you can fulfil your desire to have a child. With the help of IVF, you can become a mum and dedicate yourself to parenting and raising your child. In principle, there are two possible models: either you simply decide on an anonymous sperm donation from a man, or you consciously choose the co-parenting model.

What is co-parenting?

This is when two people, whether friends or not, decide to have a child through IVF and raise it together. The term co-parenting is sometimes used, but it is much more common for separated couples who once loved each other, had a child out of love, and now choose to co-parent after separation. This model has been common for a very long time, since the divorce rate has risen dramatically. However, co-parenting has never been about real, erotic love. Rather, it is a conscious decision by two people to conceive a child through IVF (deliberately without sex) and then bring it up together. One important reason for this is that you may not want the father of your child to remain anonymous. Another motive is shared parenting: the child should understand its two natural parents and be brought up by them together. This is done in close consultation between the parents and with a division of labour, but each parent lives in their own household. It is important to get on well with the child's father.

When is co-parenting an option?

You may choose this model if you are desperate to have a child, the biological clock is ticking, you are unable to find the right partner and it is important to you that your child understands the father and that he shares responsibility.

From the point of view of the biological clock, you actually have several options:

• You could bet on finding the right partner as quickly as possible. This is the traditional way. Unfortunately, you won't know in the first few days or weeks whether the man of your dreams really has the same desire to have children, and whether you are otherwise compatible enough to maintain a long-term partnership with your children.
• You could have an affair with a man in order to get pregnant by him. You would then have to decide whether or not to take the man into your home. This would fulfil your desire to have a child and the father would not be anonymous. But you must be prepared for the fact that he will not want to bring up the child with you and will feel betrayed by you. This is not a harmonious and good start for the child and is very selfish.
• You can ask a good friend to donate sperm, the cup method would then be the most common method as it is the cheapest and can be done at home.
• You can simply buy sperm for the planned IVF. The donor can be anonymous or not.
• Or you can opt for co-parenting.

IVF with an open donor

In most countries, sperm donors who donate to a sperm bank remain anonymous. But this is not always the case: in some countries, such as Denmark, Greece, Finland, Portugal and Austria, they do not have to remain anonymous. In Denmark, you can find sperm banks that send their sperm all over the world, including to Northern Cyprus, where you can find out about the donor's background and interests. Open sperm donation also means that the child can contact the father at a later date. Men must therefore give their explicit consent (but there is no guarantee that the child will be able to contact the father! Please clarify this). It is the child's decision whether or not to make this contact.

Co-parenting in detail

In co-parenting, a woman and a man - both wanting to have children - join forces and leave the romantic level out of it. This can work well between good friends. Of course, they will have to negotiate the details of their co-parenting. If they ever have disagreements, which are inevitable in parenting - everyone has their own ideas about bringing up children - they settle them as if they were good friends.

The parents almost always live in separate homes, with the child commuting between them. This model is familiar to separated couples, but pre-arranged co-parenting has a very important advantage: it removes the emotional baggage between formerly loving partners. As there has been no separation, there is no disappointment and certainly no bruised egos or hatred of each other. Although there are former couples who have separated who have managed their parenting relationship with dignity and therefore have a good co-parenting relationship, this is not necessarily the rule.

Does co-parenting really work that well?

According to anecdotal evidence, it can work very well. What is important is the conception of the child: If this is done through IVF, the couple has never had sex and therefore never had the deep feelings that come with it. Of course, IVF is not an uncomplicated method. Some women need more than one attempt. But medical science is so advanced that if you are a healthy woman, you have a very good chance of getting pregnant in a very short time.

What are the arrangements for shared parenting?

If the man's desire to have a child was as strong as yours, you will share time with the child roughly equally. This means, among other things, that you may not need a separate maintenance agreement. But take legal advice on this. Each of you will be alone with the child for a few days at a time, but as good friends you can always do something together. Your relationship needs to be absolutely clear. You will almost always both be single at the time of conception, but you are both likely to meet a partner sooner or later. Think in advance about how you are going to tell these partners that you are co-parenting. The model is new and may not be universally understood. But as modern society produces more and more singles and short-lived partnerships, your future partners may also understand that you wanted to fulfil your desire to have children and that you wanted to have the child with a man who will not remain anonymous.